As National Eating Disorder Awareness week winds down, I felt that I should address the issue of body image. I can’t really talk of my experience with an eating disorder because I haven’t had one–at least anything worthy of a diagnosis (I believe that most women struggle with some level of disordered eating), but I can talk about my own struggles with body image.

I think that all women, and probably a lot of men, too, struggle with body image. I think it would be odd not to. We live in a society that is obsessed with appearances. Hollywood only seems to love the pretty and the skinny and the handsome and just don’t feel like you’re good enough if you don’t fit their cookie cutter ideal of “human”.

I grew up with boys, and so did my mom, and I went to a small Christian school and there I also hung out with boys. Being skinny and dressing nice and putting on makeup was the furthest thing from my mind. It wasn’t until high school when I had a friend who was obsessed with how she looked. This was my very best friend and I spent most of my time with her so I was constantly hearing things like “I am so fat” or “I hate my love-handles”. I remember shopping for jeans with her once. When she was in the dressing room she cried out, “They are tight!”, and I offered to get her the next size up and she said, “No!  I will NOT wear a size X”…as I stood there in size X, feeling less than perfect and less than loved.

Other times she would make comments about the size I wear compared to the size she wore. It seemed like all of her beauty rituals came out of girly, superficial magazines, so I started to read them, and I actually started to care. Who was this monster growing in me? Where was the Abby that was only concerned with fast-pitch softball and mastering the art of “fake-bunt-swing-away”? Where was the Abby who loved to hustle and have a catch with her dad and work on correcting her terrible side-arm.

Goodbye, concession stand food. Goodbye, trips to the local custard stand after softball victories (or HELLO guilt for eating it). I drank diet sodas, ate only salads but never lost a single pound. I tried to buy the right make-up or shop for clothes for my body type. I tried to live up to my friend’s perception of beauty–the perception taken right from the Hollywood “human”. It never happened.

Guess what? To be human is to be flawed. And to be human is to be unique. To be human is to do what you love and be yourself. Can you imagine a world full of people that looked, dressed and acted the same? If we never made a mistake, what would we ever learn?

For some reason unbeknownst to me, we stopped being friends. Although I mourned the loss of a friend, I found that a healthy body image returned slowly. I did lose weight, and I started running and was just all around happy with who I was and so thankful that God spared me from that sick cycle of emotional self-destruction. I can’t blame her for my body image issues, and I’m not, I make my own decisions in life. But surrounding yourself with those negative influences doesn’t help you overcome any obstacles.

Since then there are still times when I get caught up in poor body image, but overall I understand that being healthy is more important than being skinny, and being Abby is more important than being “Hollywood”. I have come to embrace all of my tom-boyish qualities. I love that I hate makeup and that I’d choose sweatpants over jeans any day. I love that my hair never looks right and I have no idea who the popular singers and actors are. I love that I don’t care for anything except what I should care about.

I care about my family. I love them all for who they are the unique characteristics they bring into my life. I care about being healthy because I care about my body as the Temple of God. I care about fueling it for runs and pushing it to work harder to run farther and faster. I care about my heart and my soul. I care about the fact that I am a child of God. I care about Proverbs 31:30 which says, “Charm is fleeting and beauty is deceptive, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

I haven’t overcome all of my body image issues, and I don’t know that I ever will. But I’ve come to realize that God made me and loves me and called me for His own pleasure and good will.

“Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, you have been bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
-1 Corinthians 6:19-22

If you’re reading this and struggling with your body image and self esteem, please know that you aren’t alone. Everyone struggles with it. But know that your worth will never be found in your pants-size or a pimple-free face. It’s found in your relationships-with God, with your family, and with the friends who put no other expectations on you except being yourself. If you need someone to talk to, please email me at ajackson415(at)gmail(dot)com. I can’t promise to give you answers, but I can promise to be your friend and love you for who you are.

I don ‘t think it’s any secret that I hate the treadmill. The minute I step on that awful machine I remember my little hamster from grade school running in  her wheel. My husband always wonders why I use it if I hate it so much, but it’s a means to end. I want to run a marathon, and because I live in the snowy, hilly city of Pittsburgh, the safest and most convenient option for me is the gym–a necessary evil. Like visiting in-laws straight out of ”Everybody Loves Raymond”. You don’t want to spend the holiday with them, but for the sake of a happy marriage you suck it up and deal with it. Not that I know from experience or anything, I’ve just seen enough episodes of “Everybody Loves Raymond” to be able see the similarities.

Anyhow, I had a 5-6 mile tempo run on schedule and I had planned to take my mind off of the sisyphean feeling of the treadmill by tweeting my running playlist because I have seen many runners blogging and tweeting in need of new music. I was doing this happily for 2.5 miles when Runner Man joined me. Runner Man entered my life when Dave and I moved to this apartment complex back in May. Everytime we saw him he was running–always in some random part of town and at random times of the day. We were pretty convinced that he ran all day all over the West Hills of Pittsburgh.

Well, since I was banished to the gym after my stress fracture, I found that Runner Man also runs at the gym while his buddies do other workouts. I learned something about him and his friends: they don’t wear deodorant.  And I’m sure you can imagine, whether or not you want to, how much stink some guy who runs that much makes with no deodorant in a tiny, tiny gym.

I forced myself to run until 3 miles and quickly hopped off. In less than 5 minutes his stench was permeating the room. It was a great decision because as I was wiping down the machine, grandpa came in sporting the tighest spandex I have ever seen. They really didn’t leave much to imagination. And trust me, I tried not to look, but like I said before the gym is tiny and the walls are almost entirely covered by mirrors. I didn’t have many options.

Amazingly I made it out of there safely while holding my breath and closing my eyes. I changed into outside running gear and ran my 2 mile loop garmin-less. It was so cold, and so windy, but it was fresh. I’d choose burning lungs over burt nose hairs any day.

I felt like I kept a serious pace (for me). I wouldn’t be surprised if I was running at a 9:00 min/mile pace. Which is really good, yet really bad. Distance and frequency don’t seem to hurt my foot, but intensity does. I’m currently icing it, and I have bribed Dave with my favorite green monster if he massages it for me later. It’s amazing that I can bribe my husband with spinach. Anyone else?

So, meet the “Abby look”. This is apparently something my parents commonly saw during my childhood, and today I’m bringing it back in honor of Runner Man and Grandpa Spandex.

If you could add to the list of posted gym rules, what would you add? I’d add a mandatory deodorant application FOR SURE!

Welcome to the new home of Abby Normally!

I am so happy about this and I’m feeling pretty blessed. My older brother, Adam, did all of this for me and did it wonderfully. I just mentioned once that I might have him make a site for me in the future, and the next thing I knew he was putting this site together! Seriously, people. He is amazing at what he does–and what he does best is actually weddings! So I know that there are many brides and brides-to-be out there, so check him out! He excels at DJing, videography, and the paper things like invitations and programs. AND since he also designs and prints his own T-shirts, he’ll make shirts for your bridal party. Quality work for a great price. Ladies, do yourself a favor and CHECK IT OUT.

I want to draw your attention a new component to my blog: Greenhouse Roof. On that page I’ll be posting much deeper blogs as they come to me. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I update it.

And since I just shamelessly pushed my brother’s business, allow me to continue:

Chobani, I love you. You have taken over my refrigerator.

 But really, I can’t wait until a game of Spoons rolls around and stress that I might not be one of the first 20 people. I can’t live with that kind of uncertainty. Please, please find a retailer in the Western PA area that can consistently fill the Pineapple Chobani void in my life. Thanks.

Twitter. Oh, Twitter. Where have you been all of my life? You have helped me in so many ways. Through you and your 140 characters I have found so much satisfaction. Not only have you connected me with other crazies who actually care about how they treat their bodies, but you have even helped me find a new road bike. And today when I sent out the distress call that I was feeling down, you rescued by sending very nice people my way. If you’re not on Twitter, do yourself a favor: create an account and start searching for people with similar interests. It will change your life.

Vitamin D, you’re my newest love. And smart people who do the research about Vitamin D deficiencies and its connection to Inflammatory Bowel Disease. A new study is showing the colon benefits of Vitamin D and also that siblings of those suffering from IBD should take D as a precautionary measure. So, blog friends, meet my new friend:

On the non-generic bottle it actually says, “For bone and colon health”. Hey! I can use both of those! Also, IBD has a higher instance in areas with very little sunlight (meaning the areas that are lacking natural Vitamin D). Did you know that Pittsburgh averages 300 overcast days a year? I’m wondering when I’m going to run into the Cullens lurking in the Strip District (specifically Wholeys)…

I had such a great run yesterday! I cranked out nine (read it: NINE) miles before church, and I felt great. I ran a steady 5 miles and stopped just a few times on the way back. It wasn’t a very fast run, especially compared to pre-injury, pre-exhaustion runs, but man, it felt excellent. The weather was ideal: about 30 degres and sunny. And because it was an early Sunday morning, I felt like I had the town to myself!

Pre-run photo-shoot with the Dexter Dog.

He’s such a precious guy. Too bad he can’t run with me. Gimpy-hip. But that’s why he was meant for me, because we’re both gimps!

Here are the stats:
Distance: 9.0 miles
Time: 1:36
Avg. Pace: 10:41

Mile 1: 10:05
Mile 2: 10:41
Mile 3: 10:43
Mile 4: 10:07
Mile 5: 10:26
Mile 6: 10:22
Mile 7: 12:27
Mile 8: 10:22
Mile 9: 10:51

Let me explain mile 7. I realized that I was puching it for time considering that I had to finish my run, get ready, and get to church on time. So I took a walking break inorder to use the g-chat app on my phone to ask my wonderful husband to iron my pants and do a few other prep things for me. And he did! I had no trouble getting ready and being on time, but I certainly didn’t give myself much time to take it slowly.

Anyhow, this run really got me thinking about my training. Really, I’m about 2 miles behind where I should be for my long runs, but I’m not worried. That run gave me so much confidence about running this marathon. What’s amazing is that I only worked out 3 times this past week: a hill run, a tempo run, and my long run. I think in the past I had been so worried about getting my mileage up that I would run, run, run until I ran as far as I wanted. But when I was doing that, it would be such a struggle to pound out nine miles. I would run six and then go out the next day and run only four, and then I’d keep running until I made it to nine. I would push myself to exhaustion. I’m learning to take the good with the bad. Accept a bad run for what is and move on. So when it comes to my personal training, less is more.

I don’t want to cut out cross training, but I think I’m going to be adjusting my schedule to allow for some more rest days. I don’t really function well under routine, so my exercise will probably vary from week to week. But I’m starting to get an understanding of how my body handles training.

As for my foot, it’s definitely sore after that last run, but I’m not too concerned. It doesn’t hurt on impact, which makes me think it’s not the bones, rather the soft tissue–which will happen when coming back from a stress fracture. I’m trying to be much more intentional about icing it, and I think it’s going to be ok!

I’ve got a hill run scheduled for tomorrow morning, and with this new hill run workout I made up, I am really looking forward to it.

Does anyone have training suggestions? Anything that makes training more enjoyable? Any tips for training after an injury?

Hello, running. I’m back, and I’m back with a vengence.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU all for your sweet, sweet comments about my bad news. I didn’t think twice about sharing the information with you because I have found that you, my readers, are such an encouraging community and I know that you will always have my back. The joys and successes in life aren’t in the degrees you have or the money you make. The fullness of life is found in the little things. Thank you for giving me such rich encouragement. I love you all.

I’d like to wish a very happy birthday to my big brother, Adam! Adam’s love and energy just blows my mind. He’s always doing, doing, doing and bringing so much laughter to everyone! He’s been struggling with Inflammatory Bowel Disease for many years now, and he doesn’t let it get him down. In fact, he doesn’t look for people to cater to him, he lives to serve others.

When he heard of my “rejection”, he brought me this shirt from one of my favorite bands.

His thoughtfulness brightened my spirits immediately. It’s the little things.

And today was the baby shower for him and his wife! They are expecting their first baby in March (Fitbloggin’ weekend, to be exact)! Adam joined us and charmed the room full of women with his charisma.

They even let him open some presents.

I think some of the gifts were meant for Adam and not the baby. Especially the ones dealing with baseball, and the Dallas Cowboys.

Baby things are so cute! I can’t wait to meet this little guy and see his smiles and hear his giggles. Say it with me, “It’s the little things!”

I’m anxious to see my brother grow as a father, and if he’s anything like the rest of the men in our family, he will be an excellent one. The women have been very blessed.

The cake was adorable!

It was actually made of cupcakes, which always seem to make me smile. Who doesn’t like cupcakes?!

They are such little things!

I had about 3/4 of the cupcake plus much much more food. I definitely didn’t make the best choices, but I will definitely be fueled for my run tomorrow! And speaking of runs…

I had a long run scheduled for this morning, but I found out another food to add to the “do not eat before runs” list: yogurt covered raisins. I had a hayday with them last night and this morning was spent in and out of the bathroom. What can I say? It’s the little things.

My mom and I did a podcast from Yoga Download. We were enjoying the downward facing dogs until our dogs started wrestling between us. It wasn’t as peaceful as yoga should be, but we certainly had a good laugh. It’s the little things.

Anyhow, I’m going to watch Apolo Ohno tear up the ice rink and then head to bed to tackle that run in the morning (before church).