I hate to admit it, but one of my favorite movies is Mean Girls. As I have been reading through Operation Beautiful this past week, I keep thinking of the scene where the Plastics are standing in front of the mirror in Regina George’s room engaging in “fat talk” and criticizing the most ridiculous things about their appearances. Then they all look expectantly at Cady, waiting to hear what she hates about herself and she hesitantly says, ‘I have really bad breath in the mornings’.

I know we all do it. It’s just so easy to stand in front of a mirror and focus on the all of the less than Hollywood features. But it’s ridiculous that we spend so much time agonizing over it, and then working out and dieting to fix such temporal and vain issues.

I propose looking into a new kind of mirror. I want to look into a mirror that shows me the fitness of my soul. And I’m not saying that I want to reflect on all of the good qualities about my personality, because the only thing I focus on more than the problems with my body are all of the good and likeable attributes of myself.

And that’s just so pitiful.

I want to start a new hot-topic.

I want some self-awareness.

I want to look in a mirror and see my selfishness and my pride the way I see my love-handles and belly-pouch.

I want self-reflection.

I want my want to know that when relationship problems are because of me and not the other person.

I want to know what kind of soul-toning push-ups I can do to shape and sculpt my attitude and my heart.

I want to be more aware of the problems I need to fix on the inside.

It’s so much easier to pick apart our appearances, and it keeps us from looking deeper and dealing with what we would rather not acknowledge about ourselves.

Because let’s face it: when we struggle with relationships or we are indecisive about important things, or we shy away from responsibility, another half hour on the treadmill will not fix it. Those are issues within ourselves that are so much more detrimental to who we are than a second helping of ice cream.

Indecisive, people pleasing, proud, bitter, overly sensitive, forgetful, disorganized, unreliable, non-confrontational, stubborn.

Those are my tendencies. And those are the things that I hate about myself. Those are the things that I am determined to change.

Those are also not all of my problems, but I pray that God will continue to show me the sin in my heart and give me the power to change it.

And the phrase That’s Just How I Am is a cop out and I promised myself years ago that I would never use it. It was used on me after the most mean and hurtful diatribe from a friend as an appendage to an apology. It was more poisonous than the fight itself because it wasn’t an apology—it was an excuse. I will not use those words to anyone because, even if it is how I am, it is NOT OK.

So even when I think those gross words (and believe me, I do think them), I check myself.

So I am asking you, friends. Are you self-aware? And even more importantly, are you self-reflective? Are you fighting the natural tendencies that are hurtful and wrong, and seeking to grow into a more loving, selfless and relational person?

I’m trying.

Please be patient with me in the process, because I have a feeling this is a life-long battle.