Beyond the Mirror
August 31st, 2010
I hate to admit it, but one of my favorite movies is Mean Girls. As I have been reading through Operation Beautiful this past week, I keep thinking of the scene where the Plastics are standing in front of the mirror in Regina George’s room engaging in “fat talk” and criticizing the most ridiculous things about their appearances. Then they all look expectantly at Cady, waiting to hear what she hates about herself and she hesitantly says, ‘I have really bad breath in the mornings’.
I know we all do it. It’s just so easy to stand in front of a mirror and focus on the all of the less than Hollywood features. But it’s ridiculous that we spend so much time agonizing over it, and then working out and dieting to fix such temporal and vain issues.
I propose looking into a new kind of mirror. I want to look into a mirror that shows me the fitness of my soul. And I’m not saying that I want to reflect on all of the good qualities about my personality, because the only thing I focus on more than the problems with my body are all of the good and likeable attributes of myself.
And that’s just so pitiful.
I want to start a new hot-topic.
I want some self-awareness.
I want to look in a mirror and see my selfishness and my pride the way I see my love-handles and belly-pouch.
I want self-reflection.
I want my want to know that when relationship problems are because of me and not the other person.
I want to know what kind of soul-toning push-ups I can do to shape and sculpt my attitude and my heart.
I want to be more aware of the problems I need to fix on the inside.
It’s so much easier to pick apart our appearances, and it keeps us from looking deeper and dealing with what we would rather not acknowledge about ourselves.
Because let’s face it: when we struggle with relationships or we are indecisive about important things, or we shy away from responsibility, another half hour on the treadmill will not fix it. Those are issues within ourselves that are so much more detrimental to who we are than a second helping of ice cream.
Indecisive, people pleasing, proud, bitter, overly sensitive, forgetful, disorganized, unreliable, non-confrontational, stubborn.
Those are my tendencies. And those are the things that I hate about myself. Those are the things that I am determined to change.
Those are also not all of my problems, but I pray that God will continue to show me the sin in my heart and give me the power to change it.
And the phrase That’s Just How I Am is a cop out and I promised myself years ago that I would never use it. It was used on me after the most mean and hurtful diatribe from a friend as an appendage to an apology. It was more poisonous than the fight itself because it wasn’t an apology—it was an excuse. I will not use those words to anyone because, even if it is how I am, it is NOT OK.
So even when I think those gross words (and believe me, I do think them), I check myself.
So I am asking you, friends. Are you self-aware? And even more importantly, are you self-reflective? Are you fighting the natural tendencies that are hurtful and wrong, and seeking to grow into a more loving, selfless and relational person?
I’m trying.
Please be patient with me in the process, because I have a feeling this is a life-long battle.
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You’re beautiful my love, of that I know
Thank you, Jacquie
Great post. I appreciate the fact that you’re recognizing that life isn’t just all about feeling great about yourself and your body. To quote a popular saying in my circle, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” (aka Christian hedonism~see more on the topic @ http://www.desiringgod.org) Making sure you’re serving others in your relationships and not yourself shows that you’re not finding your satisfaction in what they think or what you can get from them, but you’re satisfied in God and in his will for you. Rock on!!
I love that quote. I’ve heard it so many times and it is so true. God’s purpose is not for our comfort or enjoyment, but for HIS glory…how great is it then that we are saved through that purpose? The God we serve is a great God, and even though sanctification can be such a struggle, I know He is making me more like Him!
Thank you for this wonderful comment, Lisa!
first off I’m glad someone else enjoys mean girls as much as me
second I just wrote a post similar to this dealing with the “weeds” in our lives. the lies, and negativity that are fed to us from Satan and from those around us! How we just need to root through them and rely on God to help us clean up our souls and attitudes! And more importantly to quite using those “weeds” as excuses and things to hide behind! Love this post and it just encourages me to keep on looking inside and seeing how changes in there will truly make me a more beautiful person, and more equipped to glorify God!
Beautiful post! I do feel as though it is a lifelong journey of self discovery and acceptance, but it is important to celebrate small victories along the way!
I have watched Mean Girls dozens of times. Love it. My husband does too, don’t tell him I told you
You are SO inspiring Abby!!! I’m truly grateful to have read this today, as it is just what I needed to hear. Self-reflection and self-awareness begins now…
Abby – this definitely hits home. I can be painfully self-aware but still fall into the same detrimental patterns (hence the painful part). As Billy and I are about to get married, we’ve been working on our communication, our attitudes and how they greatly impact the other person. I love everything you said here – seeing ourselves in a different mirror that exposes the inside, what really matters. Because we can waste time focusing on our physical imperfections or we can shift gears and work on the stuff that really matters. I’m 100% with you about the “That’s just the way I am” – dealing with this with a close friend in my life and want so badly for her to realize she has the capability to change. <3
Great post!
Great post sis!
Because let’s face it: when we struggle with relationships or we are indecisive about important things, or we shy away from responsibility, another half hour on the treadmill will not fix it. Those are issues within ourselves that are so much more detrimental to who we are than a second helping of ice cream.
^ This line is SO true. It’s hard to keep things in perspective when we’re SO focused on the things that don’t ACTUALLY define us. Thanks so much for this post, ABBY!
Hang in there sweetie, we all feel this way about ourselves sometimes. I know I do! It’s really great that you can identify the problem and you’re making an attempt to change your perspective! I need to work on this myself, for sure! XOXO. You’re amazing, girl!
Wow Abby – this is an incredibly personal post, and you are so awesome to share it. The fact that you ARE aware of the things you want to change is already half the battle right there. We all struggle with this internal sin. But you’re right – that does not make them OK. That IS a cop-out.
I think I’d consider myself both self-aware and self-reflective, but unfortunately, that *DOESN’T* equate to me having all my sh¡t together. There are things I am trying to work on, and need to force myself to work on, every. single. day.
In the mean time, chin up my dear. Love you!!
Wonderful post!
Great post Abby. We do spend so much time concerned with our outward appearance that we let the inside stuff that’s important slack. I think self-awareness is definitely a great goal to strive for.
Great post. Recently (after attending training sessions on 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) I’m learning to be more self-aware and self-relective. It’s definitely a PROCESS and it will be interesting. I’m excited to learn more about myself and also to teach my boys that appearance isn’t everything.
I can totally relate to this – thanks for being so real and reflective. What I iimmediately realized after reading this, is that you are a big step into being self-aware. You deserve a pat on the back!
I’m looking forward to reading about your journey because you have inspired my own!
This is a very thought provoking post. I pride myself in being self aware but I don’t think that I do enough to change the things that I acknowledge as needing improvement. I think its so important to take a look at ourselves from time to time and ask if we are being our best self. My best self is someone who is kind and caring, reliable, trustworthy, opinionated, strong willed, motivated, helpful, calm and determined. I am some of these most days and I hope to one day be all of them everyday. You’re right, its a life long journey.