How to: Survive a Bear Attack
September 2nd, 2010
At the end of July there was a terrible bear attack at Yellowstone park. I just found out about it today…which isn’t good because Dave and I are going camping with Dan and Ashley this weekend!
Now, I’m not usually one to worry about freak things like that happening (unless I’m stuck in traffic in a tunnel, underpass or bridge), but freak things do occur, so I’ve asked myself:
What would I do if I encountered a bear?
I am supposed to be running a long run with Ashley while I’m there, so we would be very, very vulnerable should a crabby momma bear stumble into our path.
So I’m sharing with you, dear friends, how to survive an encounter with a bear. Because I really do care about your safety. (Please note that I do not share from experience.)
1) Make yourself look bigger. The copious amounts of S’mores consumed throughout the camping trip should make this relatively easy.
2) “Play Dead”. If encountered during my long run, this should be no problem at all.
3) Make a lot of noise. I heard that carrying bells is a good idea. Now, I don’t have bells, but I do have a Smartphone, which does in fact have a Bell Ringer App. Now, instead of wondering how I will pack my bells on my run, I just have to decide which bell a bear will be more afraid of:
I hope the answer is obvious.
Other Facts:
Bears can climb trees. I can’t. Phew.
Bears can run as fast as horses. I can’t. But, according to Chris McDougall in Born to Run, humans can out run horses. So, I think I’m going to pack some extra Gatorade for my run to put this theory to the test if need be.
Bears habituated to human food are very dangerous. The aforementioned theory could easily be disproved if the bear has developed a taste for sports drinks.
Bears can smell the menstruation. Is that good or bad?
The good news is that I have defeated many-a-bear on my runs.
These bad guys have no chance against me.
But, in all seriousness people, bears aren’t all bad.
There are bears that I like:
- The Berenstein Bears
- Paddington Bear
- Winnie the Pooh
- The Bad News Bears
- Bear Grylls
And of course, my favorite…
-
Bearfoot Running
What’s your craziest encounter with a wild animal?
I was bit by a garter snake once! I was about 10 years old and at camp and the camp director’s son was playing with it and he let me hold it. I went to pick it up and I was moving too slow and it swung around and bit me! I cried out of shock because it certainly didn’t hurt. But my older brother telling me that I was turning green did not help the situation.
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We have bears and mountain lions, etc where I live and run…kinda creepy sometimes if I’m out just as the sun is coming up
oh now you’ve got me worried, be safe!! Play dead, I heard that works best.
IF you do come in contact with a bear that looks as if it’s interested in you, PLEASE do the following (this is from all my time spent in AK and EVERYONE I know there gives the same advice):
DON’T run.
DO play dead. While you’re on the ground, take the time to curl up into a ball, protecting your stomach and head.
Interesting and relevant facts: If you are charged by a brown bear (grizzly or otherwise), the likeliest scenario is that he or she is bluffing/and or curious. The bear may back off once it no longer perceives you as a threat. Or, it may bumble up to you, bat you around a bit, get bored, and leave. If you are charged by a black bear, that’s an entirely different story. They don’t get aggressive very often, but when they do, they mean business.
Hope you have a lovely trip. As long as you secure your food properly, you should be perfectly fine!!
omg. now I’m scared!
I am DEATHLY afraid of bears. TERRIFIED. Which is a problem since I love the outdoors, hiking and camping.
My craziest animal encounter was when my dad and I were in Alaska in a little fishing boat and a killer whale splashed it’s massive tail about 10 feet away from it. EEEK!!! So of course, my dad turns on the motor and tries to chase it so we can get another look! WTF? haha
my friend told me to run downhill if possible, because bears front legs are shorter than their back- they have an inability to run downhills—they just kinda trip over their feet if that makes sense….only useful if around a hill and not sure how true it is, but it always makes me laugh to think about a bear tumbling down a hill!
also if you get bear spray— only use it when you see a bear and spray them, don’t spray it for fun becuase it will actually attract the bears to that spot (don’t know why, also told this by my friend when I said I was going to use bear spray!)
Aww i love the barenstein bears and pooh
i saw a black bear close to me while vacationing at our cabin a few years back, but obviously they are the good bears 
I love this post!!! I know that if you come across a bear w/a backpacking pack on that you’re supposed to hike it up on your back so you appear bigger. Good luck friend and have fun!!
Bear. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
(If this reference means nothing to you, that’s a sign that you need to watch more of The Office…)
How long could you survive after kicking a bear in the balls?
Seriously, you need to find out before you leave!!
http://theoatmeal.com/quiz/bear_balls
Aww those poor bears, haha
I’ve always been told to make loud noises..like banging trash can lids together or something. What are the odds that you will two? <–Lol nvm.
Have fun camping this weekend! Jason and I went camping last month and we didn't actually come across any bears, but we did see fresh bear tracks on one of our hikes…eeekkk!
I love the “Bear. Beets. Battlestar Galactica” Serious LOLs.
You should know now that I will never be someone you want to go camping with you. Not because I have a problem using the Great Outdoors as a restroom or being without power for days. No, no. It’s because I am deathly afraid of squirrels. Chalk it up to a few overly-friendly ones in my old neighborhood but those things are EVIL. There was one in Pittsburgh that just had it in him to taunt and torture me until the day I moved out of there.
I am also terrified of deer, but only while driving. Good thing I moved out of the country!
When my husband and I hiked across Massachusetts a couple summers ago, we ran into five bears. One night, we were getting ready to stop when we noticed two cubs up in a tree, and the mama bear with another cub on the other side of the trail. Not wanting to walk between them, we climbed a fence into a reservoir, hiked a mile through that, and then set up our tents on the other side – only be spend the night being stalked by coyotes!
I’ve had bear-aphobia ever since, and find singing out loud to be the best remedy for it
A bear crossed the road right in front of my family’s car at Yellowstone once. It was pretty cool.
I almost walked into a bison, on that same trip to Yellowstone. I was walking on a trail, a good ways a head of my family. I turned around to walk backwards and talk to them when my dad said, “Jill… STOP! No slowly walk back forward.” I did as he said and there was a bison laying in the trees, right where I was walking, literally less than 10 feet away from me. Looking back on it, I maybe should have been a little more frightened than I was, but I thought it was pretty cool at the time.
Eeeps good luck this weekend. Please don’t get attacked by a bear!
awhhh! unfortunately, my trip to pitt was VERY short lived! but, I do have some friends living out there, so I am hoping to visit them soon!!!! i would’ve loved to meet up, though! definitely next time I’m going to be in the area I will try to get in touch!!!
i’ve been really curious about barefoot running, too! it looks like so much fun!
I don’t even remember that snake episode!!!! I am a bad mom!
love you, though!!!!
I’ve had snakes, a golden genet, numerous rats, and scorpions in my bamboo hut out here in Mozambique. And roaches in my bed, which is another story. No bears here, however. Thank goodness! Although I did piss off some zebras once…
Hahah, this post cracked me up! But in all seriousness, I wish you a fun, safe camping trip! I’ve always wanted to go to Yellowstone so let me know how it goes!
My craziest encounter with a wild animal… I’d say it was when I touched the tail of a 12-foot alligator. I don’t know what I was thinking. Haha. But I did get an awesome picture out of it